Solved Baby Adoption Conundrum

Jeff writes:

It has been quite some time since I posed the conundrum of what to do with the baby I was offered to adopt. (Click here to see our post on October 4.)

This turned out to be a triam tasol. The father, who offered me his child for adoption, was trying to see if I would be interested in the hopes that I would raise it and more importantly pay for its education.

Missionaries and other ex-patriots have been offered children like this before. The scheme works like this. The ex-pat does decide to adopt the child. It is easier to do this informally ... no paper work and no bureaucrats! In fact the child's relatives encourage this. The ex-pat raises and educates the child. When the original family gets wind of this, the following happens. The child's parents or their relatives come to demand that the now well-educated child be given back. Of course, the ex-pat refuses to do so, but now he or she knows that the family can no longer stay in PNG. However, the government won't let the family leave. Why? The child is not legally theirs. Child goes back to tribe. Tribe wins. Child and family loses.

How did I learn this? I consulted with the Dean of Students, who is a good Melanesian friend. He also told me that abortion is illegal in this country. (Infanticide is practiced, but it is rare.) Second, he said that if the mother did abort or kill the baby her tribe would be extremely angry as children are seen here as a sign of wealth.

I still had the problem of how to say "no thanks" to my friend without harming our relationship. Again the Dean came through by offering this Melanesian way to decline such a "generous" offer. I did follow his advice, and it worked.

This is what I eventually did.

I had not seen my friend in quite some time, but last week he came by my office to give me back his key to our weight room. I had been rehearsing my speech for some months, so I was ready. I told him that I was honored by his request. However, the government's adoption process is a long and a costly one. In addition, CLTC policy allows new employees to bring their already-adopted children to the college, but to adopt a child while living at the college is not permitted. I told him this, and I hoped that he and I could still be friends. He agreed and that was that. Finished!

We still have a lot to learn so keep us in your prayers.